eto pa isa... lolz (hanggang dito)

heto na ang ulan
di man lang napaghandaan
balutin ng tatag itong damdamin ko

akala ko'y sapat
pag ibig na tapat
buong buhay
aking inalay sa iyo

pinili ka't ako'y nilisan din lang
huli na'ng aking malaman
ako pala'y iyong sasaktan

hanggang dito, hanggang dito na lang
ang kaya ng puso ko, di na kayang masaktan
maaari bang ako ay iwan na lang
sa ki'y mahirap man, hanggang dito na lang

o kay lakas ng ulan
di man lang napaghandaan
itong unos sa damdamin ko
akoy nasilaw
sikat ng araw
ngayo'y buong buhay ko'y
tila papanaw

gayunpaman ako'y lisanin mo na
ito'y aking kakayanin kahit wala ka na

wala naman ako'ng ibang nais
kungdi ang ibigin ka ng higit sa buhay ko
ngunit ang ibigin ka pala'y isang pagkakamali
hanggang dito...

... sa kin mahirap man, hanggang dito na lang

fitting...

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

- Elizabeth Bishop

all else fails...

i can just see somebody's comment on this post. title pa lang pramis.

the truth is, i think too much. i perceive things in a whole different level and make uncanny deductions from what i see. some say it's a gift, i say it's a curse. because to me, everything has a reason. what i would give to be one of those people who are content with answers such as "wala lang" or lame excuses why things just can't be done. i question everything. because this is just the way i am. and the way i am seems unfit for a for a long-term relationship when i feel like i am in one.

i don't always fall for someone, but i do... boy, do i fall. i keep feeling that every time i think i have found my "THE ONE" only to find out it's the wrong one. and this is time is no different. probably the worst tho'.

bitter? yeah, i am. but i intend to move on. it's the best i can do... pick up the pieces and move on.

nakaraos naman...

how'd it go? no pictures. had lunch at our apartment. allan did all the cooking. twas great. better than andok's. thanks for the food lan!!! hehehe.

after lunch, we went to church. didn't make it to the 230 filipino mass so we had to wait til 430 for the next mass. we decided to stroll at the central and browse for things to buy. i didn't buy anything. too stingy. nyahahaha. they did. 430 mass was ok. but not like the masses we have in manila. twas a bit of a drag. i almost fell asleep in church if not for the schizo beside jacq who was always muttering something during the mass. the songs were ok though.

dinner was at nando's. my treat. hahaha. didn't spend a lot. but i sure did enjoy what we had for dinner. some tenderloin, some thigh fillets and a few wings. good enough. would've been able to do more if i spent my birthday in manila though.

how was it? minus something that i would rather not discuss right now, it went pretty well. i had a good time with the gang while we were in the city. i'm doing so-so right now but things are surely looking up. keeping my fingers crossed.

happy birthday edrik!!!

yun lang...

(not so) random thoughts...

ayan na! halos isang buwan na since i last posted something here. kaya eto post me ng kung anu-ano makapag update lang.

blues? i'm not sure which to post. a few things have brought me down of late and i've yet to overcome them. maybe when i'm over those, i'll have the will to write them down.

as for the greens, not much. saw somebody from the past while i was online the other day. darn! i almost regretted the fact that i let that one get away. hehehe. but what's done is done. no amount of regret, self-pity, or grovelling would get her back. she's happily married now. happy for her, really...

misc: the whole week, there was nothing to do. work-related that is. the thing i was supposed to work on is part of a gap and no documentation available is available to derive the information i need to complete it. first time that i am logging an entire week of IDLE/LEARN in SPLIS. not good. i just hope they figure out what they want to do with us before the easter break. otherwise, it's going to be pointless since 2 weeks after holy week is about month-end already and may 10 wouldn't be that far off. might as well let us stay until may 10 if they can't reach a decision by that time. more savings for me (yey!) but i'll be missing a lot of goings-on back home. sadness :(

was talking to my shrink just a while back. hehehe. gave me some advice on what i can do to fight this wave of depression i've been feeling. hope it works. i've really been feeling crappy the past few days and i sure could use a sunny disposition for a change.